I just don’t know what to think. I want to believe in the integrity and collective wisdom of Americans, but I get scared. I get scared when tv ratings soar for the Jersey Shore and for Celebrity Apprentice. I get scared when the lead story on the 6 o’clock news is about Lady Gaga’s meat dress at the MTV Awards, while soldiers are being killed overseas.
I get scared when I see the person in front of me at Hy Vee picking up not only the latest copy of the National Enquirer but also The Globe with the headline, “Lizard Man Sheds Own Skin.”
So when I see the current lineup of hopefuls for the office of President, I cannot feel secure that they will be weeded through with sound and sane criteria, and I’m scared that one of them could unseat President Obama.
The large arena is filled with excitement as everyone takes their seats. The announcer, dressed in a natty tux takes the center mike—-“Are you ready to rrruuuummmm-bbbble?!!”
“In this corner we have the reigning champion, Barack Obama, weighing in with Healthcare Reform for an industry that for decades has been using profiteering tactics to increase margins at the expense of American’s health. He has battled unfair partisan attacks against his birth, his faith and his patriotism, yet remains in control at the helm of a fractured Foreign Policy Landscape!
And in this corner—-challenger Mitt Romney. Understandably timid because his “Romneycare” is remarkably similar to “Obamacare” but he still stands tall as a Mormon, with every right to be accepted as a candidate, even though his belief system is inherited from a man who received Golden Plates from an angel named Moroni! He weighs in with tremendous financial success from years of acquiring businesses, then laying off workers!
And ALSO in this corner we have Mike Huckabee—weighing in on a desire “to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view.” Huckabee is a right handed jabber who has taken shots at his primary opponent Romney by asking (if) “Mormons believe that Jesus and the devil are brothers?”
Rounding out the Big Three in this corner is Sarah Palin….small but wiry, she comes with a right hook that’s been unrivaled in competition. Creating a new political lexicon for every fight Palin shows that she is ready for any “Squirmish.” A true playground bully she is armed with fractured syntax and scant knowledge of issues that endear a base nourished by superficial thinking and anything anti-liberal, regardless of content.
What? Someone else appears! Give it up for Rick Santorum! Nothing galvanizes the extremists better than a good Santorum battle cry! “Homosexuality is man on dog sex!” he pronounces to his adoring fans!
“If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything!”
Half the room cheers while the other half considers man on dog sex.
The arena suddenly goes dark. Fans are confused. “What’s going on? Power failure? Government shutdown?” Then suddenly over the loud speaker a nasal, narrow mouthed voice is heard; it echoes in the darkness…..”You’re fired!” the voice intones.
Silence. Then the crowd roars! The lights are back on and a figure draped in a gold sequined robe moves down the aisle toward the ring. A protective quail is fixed onto its head.
Donald Trump awkwardly prances into the ring! Unapologetic for his arrogance, he raises his gloves as if he’s already won. Everyone in the ring, including the lone Democrat, shake their heads with dismay as cameras descend and flash bulbs pop. “I’d be a tremendous candidate! I’d hire all the best people! It would be tremendous!”
And yes—the tv ratings soared!!!
And so it is that I am scared….Scared of what Americans can do when they put their minds to something….or maybe it’s what they can do when they take their minds out of the equation…either way, I’m scared.